I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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