just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
