gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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