Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's on the porch naked. Help.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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