THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
