The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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