So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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