I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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