I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
