if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
