hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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