Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
