you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
