My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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