You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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