i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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