ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Who died my cat blue again?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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