so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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