he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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