is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
