I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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