your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
