so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
