I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
my poor anus
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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