The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
