can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
