I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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