just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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