I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
