my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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