I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
