If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
