Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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