my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
