Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
