Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this just has baby written all over it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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