my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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