So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
