Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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