Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As shirtless as possible
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
