I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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