No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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