If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
