He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
