Yo dont text me then not text me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
