New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
