This is not my ceiling
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
