Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this boner is exhausting
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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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