I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
