people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
