I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize