From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
