She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.