its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store