So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa