I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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