i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
