I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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