I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
