In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
