i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize