i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
