its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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