it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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