Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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