I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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