I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
